Batman:The Widening Gyre

It may seem that I've jumped on "dick riding" status with my whole "my little tribute to kevin smith" and the obvious play off of "View Askew". And now I can add to my list of "Hey Kevin Smith I want to suck your dick" by reviewing his recent work with Walt Flanagan. Kevin Smith is responsible for writing and directing "Clerks", and has his hands in the comic book business by writing "Green Arrow's Quiver". He's done other things but I'm too fucking lazy to write all that shit out. His recent work before "Widening Gyre" is "Batman: Cacophony", which has gotten mixed reviews by readers and also by the man himself who didn't like the way he intepreted Batman. He states that "The Widening Gyre" is a redmeption for "Cacophony" and that this will be his last Batman comic. So far I've read Issues one and two on Book One, and I like it. Though there are people out there who give nazi reviews *cough*IGN*cough* "The Widening Gyre" deserves to be followed until the series is done.

I'm not a big Batman fan, nor am I a DC comics fan. But once I started to get back into my reading I chose to read the Batman comics that Kevin Smith wrote him out to be. "The Widening Gyre" is an interpretation of Batman that isn't like the Batman I was used to after playing Arkham Asylum and watching the animated series from when I was younger. In Issue one Kevin Smith starts off in the first page in a most misleading fashion, and you almost believe that you may have bought the most corniest comic in your local comic book store. The art and the shadowing give off this old feeling, where you know that Robin must be peaking around the next page some where. Then to your surprise, Robin is popping out all smiles and ready to whoop some ass; in the way that a smart-aleck sidekick would. The thing that irritated me most was the thing Batman says to Robin as soon as they neutralize the villians, which is reminscent of the old Adam West Batman. Then Kevin Smith switches the story to a more "at-work" Batman who is currently going to work with Nightwing(original Robin) fighting some Neo Nazis. This sets the tone for the artwork in "Widening Gyre" which isn't too dark, but dark enough to let you know that you're reading a Batman comic. The things Batman says from here on out starts to feel as if he has that back-in-the-day syndrome, which is parallel to the star of your high school football team ten years later talking about, "If I would've thrown it down the center we would've won that game." I make it sound worst than it actually is. Batman just has this thing where he takes a look back at things alot. Kevin Smith does a good job at keeping Batman short tounged when talking to others. That includes two of Batman's favorite things to do, ask questions and keep conversations short. An achievement for Kevin Smith and crew is their interpretation of Poison Ivy, she has this feel to her that is exactly as I envisioned her. Kevin Smith provides a dialouge for her that is pornographic(for lack of a better word), and you swear to shit that Batman is gonna face fuck her. Walt draws her semi-naked only covered by a giant leaf suspended S&M style by vines, and I think it's a pretty good interpretation of Poison Ivy; sexy, lewd, and whore-ish. There is also a new mask that is introduced at the end of the 1st issue, and shows a little face in the 2nd. I'm not too familiar with him, but I'm sure some of you folks(whoever gave me 17views) might recognize him.

The things that irritat me about this series is rarely the comic itself, but the people who critique the comic with such negativety. Though there are some flaws in the art that I can point out, such as the akwardness in Batman's face as he shouts to Nightwing across a grocery aisle as gun shots are firing. And even though some critics may be somewhat to an extent right; it still makes me mad. Some critics didn't give "The Widening Gyre" a chance, somewhat shooting it down instantly from their introduction. You cannot read this comic expecting to see Frank Miller, because this comic isn't Frank. It's also important that this is another interpretation of a popular character, and just like other interpretations you're not gonna like how another person did it as opposed to how another did it. I believe "Cacophony" fucked shit up for kevin Smith as well, because people seem to be keeping Cacophony in mind, and shooting down Gyre. Althoughh you should read Cacophony first then read Gyre, because you'll see the improvement in dialouge. The art, on the other hand, isn't as great to me. It provides little definition to Batman giving him this "fat buff" look, to put it simply, think Georgre Foreman..kinda. Another flaw is in Kevin Smith's writing, he puts Batman in this time period that is depressing, not Batman depressing, but old man depressing. Where he brings Batman's burdens too life, he shows Bruce Wayne in that same way (which is bad). Where Batman is lonely, Bruce Wayne is supposed to be a bit more social than the lonely old Bat. There is none of that here. An example of this is a page where Batman meets an old fling again. They talk about how they feel 25 again, and how lonely life is nowadays; if that doesn't make me more depressed to be 30-40.

Overall, the series is worth looking at; it helped me find my way back into comic books. It's no 60 dollar video game, so go pick that shit up and read it. Remember, try not to judge from the previous work and enjoy it; it's a whole different fucking series it's not Cacophony. And don't be a douchebag and say its like Kevin Smith did another film..dumbass, it is Kevin Smith. You don't see me talking shit about Tim Burton's Batman, or the way Christian Bale thinks Batman sounds like (which is absolutely hilarious and comedic). And if your not wanting to pick it up, think about it like this, it's only 12 issues(6 issues in the 1st book 6 to the 2nd)..it's not forever.

Masturbation

everyone jacks off, or flicks the bean once in awhile. but i just thought about this..i was watching porn, and there's a category for masturbation. it has this girl sitting in front of her mirror, checkin her self out, slowly making out with her self in the mirror, and then she full on just masturbates on her bed shamelessly. i remember thinking, "okay this is porn..she's shamelessly playing with herself." but then i switched to a different video, a complete opposite of what i just saw. this porno had the white lighting in a hotel with a perfect view over the beach. this girl touched her self for about 5 minutes of the video, and then does the deed. when she finishes she does the back arch, closes her eyes, and the camera fades to white in her name. shit was hella romantic. and i personally believe-and i think everyone believes-is that doing the deed is a shameful act..after you do it.

in no way possible can you make masturbation a romantic experience, unless you have this special shit you do before you bust one. but even that isn't romantic. masturbation is a tool in which if you can't have sex for some reason, you bust a nut call it a day and get going. who is actually gonna take up an hour of there day to light some candles and do some freaky ass buffalo bill shit without walking away in shame. i don't know about everyone else, but when i masturbate and finish..i feel dirty, like i just fucked a whore and threw up on her to get off. i don't ever walk away thinking,"man my right hand is a good lay..i love her." i walk away saying,"fuck..i could've just had sex..did i really have to do that?" but i guess when you're in sixth grade and you just found out you can bust a load masturbating can be a romantic experience. but as a grown man or woman you should not be sitting there lighting candles. all you have to do it get on your computer, shoot, then you're finished. unlike ms. get-a-hotel-and-do-it-to-myself; there is no camera..so why do all that shit?

but point being, that video made me think how shameless that is to fuck yourself with passion and love just to feel like a piece of shit afterwards. fuck yeah you feel good for those first few seconds, but after a minute you sit there..and you're just like, "damn." also that video sucked..it was well put in superbad. seeing a vagina by it self..unnatural. but seeing someone make sweet love to their own vagina..fucking horrible camera.